I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
