I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We left the knife in your bed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize