just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
