I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
