We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
