You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
