Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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