ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
