My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize