I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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