every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
