Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
