Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
