Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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