That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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