Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
