So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
