her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
