Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
