Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
