The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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