I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
