She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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