Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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