So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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