if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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