you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
