That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Less talking, more tequila
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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