i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What drink are we having for lunch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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