literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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