Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sarcasm needs its own font
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
