Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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