I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
