i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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