Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
