So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
