Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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