I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
