Hey man sorry I got all grabby
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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