Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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