If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
