So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
