He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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