WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
