the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
