i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize