ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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