I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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