Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
