those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize