she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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