my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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