Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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