i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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