So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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