OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
