Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
