Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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