I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
