Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
