Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
