so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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