she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
