Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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