Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
