The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize