That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
