Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
