Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
