hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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