I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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