Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
