True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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