you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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