matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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