I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
